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שמייכעלדיגע טעקסט מעסעדזשעס

18 פאסטס אין ארכיוו · אשכול #886

קאמפיאטער » מאנטאג יוני 18, 2012 2:01 pm

· #18394
שמייכעלדיגע טעקסט מעסעדזשעס
איז שוין דא אזא אשכול? אויב יא ביטע ציצייכענען אין ציזאם שטעלען איך האב געזיכט אין נישט געטראפן איז איך וועל אנפאנגען מיט אפאר:

There should be an “I’m cooking” button on smoke detectors
I like when i buy a bag of air, and the company is nice enough to put some chips in it
I never scream for nothing, there is always a reason for it, most commonly because I'm in a bad mood...
I couldn't take my neighbors loud arguments anymore.. so I broke into their house and folded his talis.
( ? A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. (possible
Dear heart, please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it; not to catch feelings.
Did you ever kiss your smartphone when closing your Siddur app?

יואליש » מאנטאג יוני 18, 2012 2:05 pm

· #18395
טאקע א נאבעלע סערוויס פאר די כולל אינגעלייט צווישן אונז וועלכע האבן בלאקירט זייער טעקסט מעסעדזשעס אין ליכט פון די תקנות....

קאמפיאטער » מיטוואך יוני 20, 2012 11:55 am

· #18884
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.

קאמפיאטער » מיטוואך יוני 20, 2012 11:57 am

· #18885
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence 'a man once told me'!!

קאמפיאטער » מיטוואך יוני 20, 2012 12:09 pm

· #18891
!!?? Goi from shul asked me why coffee everybody drinks in shul & when you wanna drink a cup water you hide in toilet

קאמפיאטער » זונטאג יוני 24, 2012 6:49 pm

· #19637
קאסטומער: מעג איך אנטרייען די קלייד אין די פענסטער?
סטאר מענטש: ניין איר וועט מוזן ניצן די דרעסינג רום, אזוי ווי יעדער...

קאמפיאטער » מאנטאג יולי 2, 2012 12:49 pm

· #21180
In a way, I feel sorry for the kids of our generation. They'll have parents who know how to check browsing history.

נס קאווע » דאנערשטאג יולי 5, 2012 11:37 am

· #21873
Dear Con Ed
in a effort to maintain proper cash flow i've reduced my payments 5%, its only temporary
Thanks for your understanding

נס קאווע » מאנטאג יולי 9, 2012 5:36 pm

· #22758
(יאסי גישטעטנער, פאר ווער עס האט עס נאכנישט באקומען)

יודישקייט איז א רעליגיע וואס נאר די רבנים טוען קרימינאלע אקטן האט שוין איינער אמאל געליינט פון איינער וואס איז נישט קיין "ראביי" וואס איז באגאנגען א קריים

gehlungen » דינסטאג יולי 10, 2012 12:31 am

· #22870
קאמפיאטער
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.

I am shocked this is "nivel peh "

עדיוקעטעט » דאנערשטאג יולי 12, 2012 4:43 pm

· #23836
Dad joins Facebook. Son posts “WTF, my dad joined Facebook!!” Dad: “What’s WTF?” Son: “Welcome to Facebook!”

נס קאווע » זונטאג יולי 15, 2012 3:56 pm

· #24283
קינד: טאטי וואס איז מציצה בפה
טאטע: פרעג נישט שעפעלע עס איז אזא סארט שטאטישע פראגראם

zamel » זונטאג יולי 15, 2012 9:54 pm

· #24406
וויפיל סעלפאונ'ס האט נח אריינגענומען אין די תיבה??
ע: צוויי טריפהנע און זיבן כשר'ע

zamel » זונטאג יולי 15, 2012 10:02 pm

· #24408
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, " If you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

zamel » זונטאג יולי 15, 2012 10:09 pm

· #24409
Yingerman: How did people Survive 100 years ago without Air condition ???
Yankel Miller: They taake Didn't, they are all dead

zamel » דינסטאג יולי 17, 2012 10:41 pm

· #25344
The advantage of being a Muslim: When u change ur wife u can still keep the same photo on ur desk

berlbalaguleh » פרייטאג יולי 20, 2012 11:31 am

· #26606
gehlungen
קאמפיאטער
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him .

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t.

I am shocked this is "nivel peh "

You have me confused. Or, (you have confused me.) Are you "Shocked" because the aforementioned post, being ":Niv'l Peh" slipped through the censors. Or, you are shocked that this --being humorous-- is considered "N.P." 🙄

נס קאווע » מיטוואך יולי 25, 2012 2:56 pm

· #28484
Dear mike bloomberg if i order pastrami sandwich, chulent, kishka, pickles do you think the extra 40 oz diet coke will make me obese