קורץ און שארף

האט איר אין אייער באזיץ אייער סעל. טוה איך מיינען,
עפעס אינטערסאנט צו לאכן אדער צום וויינען,
אל תחזיק טובה לעצמך, נאר אין דעם אשכול זאל עס ערשיינען,
זאלן דיינע חברים אינערהאלב די קאפע הויז אויך האבן צו ליינען.

My shvigger has a heart of gold... Or whatever metal they're using these days to make robotic hearts...

Dentist: "So, how's school going?" Me: "Agraaagaaaggraaagagaa... Agraa, agraagaa." Dentist: that sound fun...

My VM message: Hi if its your first time calling leave a message...if its your second time calling GET the message...

U Wake up,U get up,U stand up,U sit up, Hands up! Heads up! 7up Ketchup,U back up,U walk up Shut up Hurry up Pick up And U still DOWN

Wife: I had a dream that you bought me a mink coat, Husband: go back to sleep & wear it Gezinterheit........."

I heard that Mendeleh viznitzer did go to the levayeh because he isn't going to Srul'tchees simches...

If someone is looking at their phone and smiling, they automatically look like a stock photo

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

האט קאפ

U Wake up,U get up,U stand up,U sit up, Hands up! Heads up! 7up Ketchup,U back up,U walk up Shut up Hurry up Pick up And U still DOWN

לא זכיתי להבין את הבדיחה. אנא הסבר.

down איז א אויסדריק פאר מרה שחורה און up איז אויסדריק פאר גוטמוטיג
איצט לייען עס איבער

A pharmacy is a Toys R Us for old people...

Wen guy on phone keeps asking u 2 repeat urself, he's either texting or putting it on speaker 4 someone else 2 hear

HOT CUP
KEEP IT UP

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

אין אידיש גייט דער וויץ אוי: מענטש צום אויברשטען: אי אמת אז ביי דיר איז א מיליאן יאר פונקט ווי א סעקונדע?
אויבערשטער: יא
מענטשל און אי אמת א ביי דיר איז א מיליאן דאלאר פונקט ווי א פעני?
אויבערשטער: יא.
מענטש: אויבערשטער, איך קען האבן א מיליאן דאלאר?
אויבערשטער: א סעקונדע.

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.jamesshuggins.com/h/hum1/language_questions.htm">http://www.jamesshuggins.com/h/hum1/lan ... stions.htm</a>

Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why is it called "rush hour" when your car barely moves?

If a 7-eleven is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If it's a circular drive, how do you get out?

How do "Don't Walk on the Grass" signs get there?

Why does sour cream have a "use by" date?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station . . .

If Fed ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

Should you ever have plastic surgery from a doctor whose office is full of portraits by Picasso?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Can you yell "Movie!" in a crowded fire station?

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

שקויעך "גוגל'ע"
שמחתי - צחקתי - ונהניתי
כה לחי!

Evry great dream beginsW a dreamer. Always remember,U have withinU the strength the patience &the passion2 reach4the stars2change the world

Grandfather: Jack go hide u'r teacher is here & u were absent 2day from school, Jack: u go hide I told him that u died, Haha..

I'M FINE ,THANKS FOR NOT ASKING.

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." -

Nisht fargesn the "VAYIKRU" chamush

WEDDING RINGS: world's smallest handcuffs!!

Your Wallet: The One Place Democrats Are Willing To Drill...

The husband is the head of the house and the wife is the neck of the house but the head turns the way the neck wants!!

I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question.

ME: "I talk to myself." ME: "Me too."

FAT PERSON: the problem is, obesity runs in my family. DOCTOR: no, the problem is, no one RUNS in your family!!

Before judging a man walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and u got his shoes!

Ven men zol geben far de mener tzi machen peisoch'ig, in far de balebustes tzi boien de sikah, volten beida ungehoiben erev peisoch

יידל

האט קאפ

U Wake up,U get up,U stand up,U sit up, Hands up! Heads up! 7up Ketchup,U back up,U walk up Shut up Hurry up Pick up And U still DOWN

לא זכיתי להבין את הבדיחה. אנא הסבר.

I didnt get it either.

"Last Words"

"Ha! You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

"No, honey, that dress does not make you look fat. YOU make
that DRESS look fat."

"This vest is totally bullet-proof. I'd bet my life on it."

"Whoops."

"Hey, everybody, watch this!!!"

"Sure I know how to fly a plane. I just don't know how to
land one."

"Oh yeah? You don't look so tough."

"Yes, I'm sure it's perfectly safe."

"No worries. Those cannibals are vegetarians."